I create whatever I want
You hopefully haven’t noticed, but I am very productive these days. Because I share less. I went down the black hole and came back.
Let me elaborate just a tiny bit.
These weeks and months I felt many gears shifting in regards to my photography. I stopped being interested in the subject matter that fascinated me for years. Or rather, I feel like although the movie I’m shooting is the same, the angle or scene changed. Time to move from prologue to exposition.
At the same time, without actually being productive (= producing a lot of works), my inside was moving and shifting, tearing down roads and re-building infrastructure. You know, something like the “idea” part I was writing about in the “Yin and Yang of Creativity”. This part is necessary to advance, but often frustrating, because you’re never sure if you’re actually processing new ideas or if you’re just being lazy/unproductive.
And then the fire came back. The urge to produce, to shoot. And with a different mindset, as I happily realised, with a different pair of eyes… but one thing still held me back: I wasn’t very productive, because I realised that this change of scene also means that I have to start from the beginning, more or less, and the quality of my work was now far from where I want it to be. No way could I show that to others… no way could I share substandard photography! I was paralysed.
Then, a couple of weeks ago, I cleaned the mess in my room and it was when I stumbled upon some albums from photographs I took on film, that I realised something that brought instant cure: Just don’t share it. I almost never shared the photographs I took with my analog cameras, never felt the need to, why should I share everything I do on digital? Just because it’s on my computer already anyway?
Ever since that day there’s no night I get to bed earlier than 2am. I’m shooting, trying, editing, experimenting. Most of it is lame, not like’able, not +1’able, but a necessary step. My mind is freed up to experiment. It feels great.
Of course I want to eventually share my new vision, communicate it. But before that, I have to develop it properly and I can only do that in my quiet isolated cave… a wonderful place where I set the rules.
This fine art portrait here is one of the many things I’m experimenting with. Does it mean I’ll do cheesy flower composites from now on? Not really. But I learnt a lot from creating this picture, and most importantly, it was tons of fun 🙂